trusting people

This is why i dont like trusting people u just get stabbed in the back over and over again. my life is totally going down hill and i dont like it. i cant trust my friends. they all have stabbed me in the back. and i dont appricate it. either theyve done something or said something to someone else. they've flirted with my bf right in front of me. they lie and say rude stuff. or anything really. thats not what best friends mean. i dont know who to trust anymore. with anything. you cant talk to someone with out them going off and telling other people. or anything. im so frustrated.... :( and on top of this i have to wear my knee brace again. i have tendinitis and jumpers knee. AWESOME life is just great!!!

today :)

today i am babysitting my step dads sisters kids. untill 430. then im going to the church at 515 right after i get done baby sistting ofr the singing group party. it should be loads of fun:) im excited. after the singing group party i am to go to kaylas house to stay the night. sunday we will wake up at 630!!!!! and have to be at the church at 745. thats really early but heyy i think kayla and i can do it:) lol after church on sunday im taking blake to ocharles, or if he decides annywhere else we will go there. well i mean hes taking us there but im paying :) my idea:) afterward we will do what ever he had planned. im really excited. this should be a great weekend. 

yesturday i skipped school. normans idea. :) 

norman and i went down to the boat, and worked on a couple what was suppossed to be a hour work on project turned into an all day project, we had an axcident. LOL he didnt close the paint can good enough the last time he used it and when i went to shake it it went EVERYWHERE!!! on me, on the boat i mean everywhere!!!! it was horribl we spent about 2 hour most cleaning everthing up. i still have paint on me! its crazy! but then we worked for about 2and a half more hours and then went home. CRAZY DAY! but very fun. :) 

YAY

so blake is finally home, pretty excited about that, and we hung out all day yesturday and were going to be hanging out today. so today should be great as well:)
my best friend in the whole wide world is back. :) KAYLA and were hanging out tonight, so today should be freaking amazing, LIFE is amazing:) im in such a good mood idk why i just woke up and told my self today will be a good day, no fighting with my parents my sister, blake, or kayla.
and yea it was so sad kayla and i got into our very first fight. :(were good now though :) very happy about that! just in all everything is just peachy, and i cant thank god enough for that :)
THANKS!:)

but if i could ask a favor from yall, pray for me and my dad, were doing nothing but getting worse and im getting more hurt, hes taking deanna shooting today and i wasnt even invited.
when it comes to my dad he only really cares about my sister. and if he does care about me he doesnt show it AT ALL. so please do that.
thank you:)

bad feelings

i hate it when you have a bad feeling and you know its comming but you dont want it to happen so you try and do eveyrthing you can to stop that bad feeling from comming but what ever you do to try and stop it the bad feeling over comes it. it just consumes all of your hard work, everything. i HATE that feeling. ive had it so much lately. IDK what the feeling is for or anything all i know is when something bad is about to happen to me i get away from the situation. cause thats what ive been doing all my life, running away from my problems and my feelings. ive figured out the more i try and express my feelings to someone the more hurt i get. the outcome is bad, the expressing me feelings was for nothing cause the person wasnt even listening, or the situation gets turned around on me some how. so i give up. i just agree with everything that person is saying and its all my fault. thats basically what it boils down too. i feel like im tea boiling on a hot stove but if you leave it on the stove to long it boils over and just gives up on staying inside the tea pitcher. thats how i am. ive held things in side of me to long ive just given up and boiled over. ive said screw it, and just poured my heart out, and when i do it all back fires on me. i dont understand. why does life have so many complications. with out complications life would be so much easier. but no, it has to have stupid fights and war, and other messed up things. but when they all begin to add up in the end. your just DONE! you give up completly and what comes at you hits you hard cause u dont even want to try and fix eveyrthing with anything. lets say you and your mom or your parents have been fighting all......... week. you finally get to the point where your tired of it you just take the blame for eveyrthing even though half of the crap that happenes isnt even YOUR FAULT. so u take it cause its so much easier. cause if you try to explain your feelings to your parents, they blow up. So all these bad feelings I have ive been running away from them, but im done running away, what ever happenes, it just happenes. cause evedently expressing your feelings doesnt work out. (unless you can find someone who will just listen, and shut there mouth untill your down talking, and then give you advice about your situation and not turn eveyrthing around on you.) running away.. doesnt fix things.