one question always leads to another

u think of one question, it always leads to another, and then another, and then another.
sometimes there good questions, and sometimes there bad. my questions have been bad.
im stuck. im physically and emotionally drained. i feel week in everyway possible. my head throbs when every i try to figure out things or even people. i like knowing everything, but how do i and can i know eveyrthing when i feel people or just someone is hiding something from me. somthings in life i will not understand. some things i dont want to understand.... but my questions will stay remain the same. why did you do it? am i not good enough? what did i do to deserve this? what does this mean? what was going threw your head? have you done it anymore? will you ever do it again? and the biggest one, why do i continuley get hurt? but there are other questions. those are just some random ones. that gives examples of bad questions i am thinking about lately.
i HATE thinking abot these ones but they just keep on coming. its never a good thing. i try so much to stay postive. i give it everything i got. i think to my self we will make it. i will make it. eveyrthing is going to be fine. and others. but it just doesnt work anymore. untill the feeling of people or a person hiding things away from me is gone. the questions are the same. no matter how hard i try. they wont go away.

poem

as i lay my head down on my pillow i think as the tears run down my cheek, why this always has to happen. We fight non-stop. and ive about had enough. its all building up, and i dont know what to do anymore. you've torn my heart out once but theen fixed it back together. will it get torn apart again?how much longer will the pain for the one incedient be here. cause with that and everything else on top of me, it all adds up, and it ends in disaster. i think to myself why am i still with you. Its cause i LOVE you. i CARE for you. and i WANT you and ONLY you. no matter how many fights we get into, i know we can make it through. well hopefully we can make it. I dont knwo what god has in store for me, or even for us. its a journey im going to have to take and things im going to have to risk. im scared. very scared. and i dont know what to do. im tired of the pain, of the tears, and everything. i tired. im done. im done fighting. i refuse to put up with it. and most of all im done crying. ive shed to many tears. one to many, and i dont have any left. i pray we get better, at this whole relationship thing. i pray so bad we do. it hurts to see us fight. but it seems nothing ever helps anymore...

been a while

its been a while since ive been on this, so i thought i would just go ahead and up date it. :)
recently my knee had been hurt. i went to the doctor, they said i either had one of two things something i dont know how to pronounce or it my minscus. if its the first thing i get to injections into my knee to see if it will calm down the imflamtion in my knee, if its that doesnt work then its the second thing i mentioned. and they will have to go into my knee surgecially, and scoope off some of my minicus in my knee. i got my MRI on friday the results came back today, or were suppossed to atleats. now my other doctors appointment is on thursday to show me the results and to tell me what im going to have to do with my knee. exciting? i like not. lol
life has been stressfull other than my knee, im going through a lot with my life, my knee, my relationship with GOD, blake, and some of my friends. im trying to keep my grades up while juggling all this crap and its very hard. i wish summer would just start so i can be on my spirtual high for a while and hopefully it will carry on into the school year. I pray everyday that ill make it through everything and on to the next day. i feel like im getting torn apart in various ways physically and emotionally. life is just hard right now. very hard. and i need help. i guess all i can really do is pray and hope god will lead me in the direction that is chosen best for me.