Tuesday, March 16, 2010
So life has been pretty rough. I found out that my dad called my sister either last week or sometime before then. I dont know what for or why, but he called her. He never calls me. NEVER. I'm honestly so hurt. I dont know what to do anymore. I wish my dad would just call me and tell me he loved me. But there is a 100% chance he wont do that. There needs to be a law that say's you have to have a licenses to be a dad. Some dad's shouldn't even be aloud to be dads. People like my dad. Yeah he's funny and sota cool to be with but the way he handles things and treats people expecially his kids. It's uncalled for. He's never been in my life. He just walked out on me. :'( I dream sometimes about him. abou how happy I would be if he just called me every now and then. Cause I dont know what to do anymore. :'( im lonely, im hurt, and I dont feel loved. I guess its just another person that has walked out of my life. Seems like everytime I want to get close to someone or are close to them they just walk away. and not look back Ive had about 4 people do that to me. Not saying any names. I'm tired of being hurt. People think my life is so easy and that I got it good. Well, thats half way right. I'm in better condtions physically and i got a roof over my head and clothes on my back and front ;) and food in my house. But emotionally im a wreck. I dont have a decent family. I dont have a loving father someone who is always supposssed to be there for me a romodel, soemone who I can go and talk to and cry in my protecters arms. but I guess thats why they make boyfriends. there very useful ;) for people like me and dont consider there dad a dad to them, they have there friends, guy friends manily, (and those are the people I talk to about evrything. my guy friends. i feel safe. from evrythign. cause i know they always got my back) and my very loving and kind boyfriend. i love him with all my heart. He has seen a side of me i dont like people seeing and that is me crying. and he just held me. i loved it cause i knew i was in the right place at the right time and i new nothing else mattered. my dad is just so stuck up and thinks of only himself. guess thats just how some people are. I wish i could express my feelings to him but i can't. well i probably could but im scared to. Just wish i had a dad....
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i'll always hold you close
ReplyDeleteyou always will be near to me
i'll never let you go
you'll always be my baby
i'll wipe away every tear
protect you from all the bad
i'll shelter you from rain
be the best you ever had
i'll treat you right,
my frosted flakes
i'll lift you up,
do whatever it takes.
i'll keep you going
just be strong
i'll be right there
beside you, going along.
i'll never forget
i wont let you down
i'll keep motivating you
even when i'm away from this town.
Rachel, you were talking about the other night at church how you wished you had courage. I've prayed that you can gain courage, I'm sure others like Blake have, too, and I'm pretty sure you've prayed for it as well. Here's your chance to gain it. God isn't going to magically zap you with courage. He's giving you an opportunity to develop it. This is your chance, dear. And you should take it. You don't necessarily have to know what to say, all you have to do is say something. You don't have to do it in person, you can call him, or email him, or even write him a letter and let Alyssa deliver it. A lot of times it's easier to write down how you feel rather than say it. And I think you should. You have the chance to tell him how you feel, so you should do it because some people, like myself, do not have the chance to tell a parent how they've hurt you. So do it for me, do it for all the other kids that don't feel loved by their parents, and most importantly do it for you. You will probably feel better afterwards, because I'm sure you've been holding on to this for a longgg time. I love you, and if you need to talk about it more, then I'm here for you! :)
ReplyDeleteHallah-thank you first off for your words of encouragment... i love you very much it means alot to me knwoing you will always be here for me. no matter what ive done or what situtaion im in. i will try and do that but thats just the thing ive done it so many time, ive gone as far as writing letters calling him emailing him, i mean heck ive even tape recorded my self and my mom gave it to him. He just gets mad and yells. so im stuck i will keep trying but quit franquly im scared of my dad.
ReplyDeleteBlake- your to sweet. thank you for always being there for me. Even when were fighting horribly and hate each other ;) you always by my side. and hopefully always will be. im so glad i have people in my life like yourself and hallah that are loving caring and pashaniot people. i love you so much, thank you.